im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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