went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wear drunk well.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
