Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you had me at cake vodka
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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