hell yes lets make some ravioli
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
