I got chris browned last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
