I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
