Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found your dick twin last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize