Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
