I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
