the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
