They should really pass out barf bags in church
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
