My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
