he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
