even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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