as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm at about main and main street
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
