it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
