yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
