my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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