I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
