The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
