Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's never too late to be topless.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
