i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
