If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
