drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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