I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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