he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
