I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize