So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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