the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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