Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
