3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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