Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
