Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
