what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
