Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize