We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need water and some morals
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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