well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
