I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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