is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
