I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize