she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
