There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize