i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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