I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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