Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
