he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm both gender and math confused
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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