his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
