I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
