this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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