I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
