now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize