2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would fuck him just for his dog
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
