and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
