The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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