The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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