Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you still have your period?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
