The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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