Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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