so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
