insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
