You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
