she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize