im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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