So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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