The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
