Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This toilet bowl is my home.
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