??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
